A Dinner For My 12 Year Old Self

For a human being, I believe there is no act more empowering than listening to the voice of your inner child rather than the ruckus of the outside world.

After my mom discovered an old, crumpled up poster board under her bed, I soon realized this poster board was actually a 20+ item “Summer Bucket List” I had written when I was 12 years old. After taking the time to decode each washed out letter, I was filled with this deep sense of fulfillment knowing I am still living according to my inner child today. Some of the summer goals on this poster included going to at least three concerts, having a movie marathon, going to the farmers market, cooking a dinner “entirely over fire,” and my personal favorite: watching the clouds pass by without a care in the world.

After thinking about this list for a few days, I decided to listen to my inner child and devote my time to checking things off my current summer bucket list, which also included going to the farmers market and cooking a meal entirely over fire.

This Saturday, Griffin, Rumi, and I braved the heat and went to our Saturday farmer’s market, hoping that accomplishing the tasks on my “inner child” bucket list would bring more fulfillment than the material, adult things I focus on now.

At the Saturday farmer’s market we were lucky enough to find an endless supply of the freshest produce, and I combined the harvest of the season to create a summer feast fit for two. Our farmer’s market haul included tons of heirloom tomatoes, green beans, peaches, citrus, grapes (that we ate within two hours of bringing them home), homemade mozzarella, basil, and some fresh Italian bread that was still warm when we bought it.

I needed a few remaining ingredients that the farmer’s market didn’t have, so I went to our local country market about 20 minutes away. We are lucky enough to have a Whole Foods, Stop n Shop, etc. very close by, but since getting sick, I’ve fallen in love with this tiny mom n’ pop grocery and liquor store called Larocca’s; something about unstimulating, serene grocery shopping brings me so much happiness. Here, I was able to get the remaining groceries, chat with the older man stocking shelves, and pick up two beautiful bone-in pork chops for tonight’s dinner.

Once I got home and washed the produce, I started prepping the summer meal. A couple hours before I planned on grilling them, I brined the pork chops in 1/4 cup of kosher salt dissolved into warm water. Afterwards, I diced up the peaches from the farmer’s market and pureed them to make Homemade Peach BBQ Sauce. When the pork chops were on the grill I basted on layers and layers of the BBQ sauce because it was just that good. On the side, I gathered up the rest of the produce to make a simple caprese salad as well as a napa cabbage slaw for the pork chops.

The town over from us has an amazing liquor store where 75% of the wines they sell are organic. I spoke to the associate there, and she recommended this incredible orange wine made by a woman named Kelley Fox in Oregon. Aside from the bottle being absolutely beautiful, this wine perfectly balanced out the smoky peach and balsamic flavors. If you can get your hands on it, I highly recommend! The wine is called Nerthus 2019 by Kelley Fox.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned from cooking this meal is that when your body is afraid, there are few things that can calm it down. When we’re battling with more surface level fear, like worrying about a flight or job interview, the normal remedies for distraction can go a long way: compelling TV, a good book, meditation, etc. But, there is a different type of fear I’m talking about that very few people experience.

The best way I can describe this sensation is waking up in a body that is not confident it can make it through the day.

This feeling is almost like my brain is trying to calm my body down, even though I spent the first part of my life trying to get my body to calm my brain down. The fear is beyond my brain and instead a deeper feeling in my body, and with this fear, it manifests in an overwhelming feeling of constant apprehension about my ability to live each day. When you are faced with this level of internal fear, I truly believe only the things that made us happy as a child can pull us through the dark. After reframing my life and actions through this lens, it now makes complete sense why my 22 year old self has virtually the same goals and intentions as my 12 year old self.

And so, in order to re anchor myself in my roots, I cooked this meal for 12 year old Scout to thank her for still grounding me all those years later and never failing to guide me safely through the dark. I hope I’m making you proud.

Peach BBQ Pork Chops with Napa Slaw

Taken from Everyday Dinners by Jessica Merchant

Pork Chops

• 1/4 cup Kosher Salt

• 4 Bone-In Pork Chops (or however many you need)

• 1 tsp Garlic Powder

• Fresh Cracked Pepper

• 2 Peaches

Dissolve 1/4 cup kosher salt into 6 cups of water (heat on stove if salt doesn’t dissolve). Pour the brine into a baking dish and submerge the pork chops in the brine, leaving them for a few hours, or 20-30 minutes at the least.

Remove pork chops from the brine and dry with paper towels. Season both sides with garlic powder and pepper (no salt needed since these were brined). Preheat grill at highest setting for ~10 minutes. Once the grill is hot, add pork chops and cook on one side for about 6 minutes. Flip the chop, baste one side with the Peach BBQ sauce, and let cook for another 6 minutes. At this time, you can add the peaches on to the grill since they only need a few minutes total. For the pork, continue flipping and basting for another 10 minutes or so until the pork has reached at least 145°F and is cooked to your liking. Let rest for a few minutes then serve over the Napa Slaw.

Peach BBQ Sauce

• 2 cups Fresh Peaches, peeled and chopped

• 1/4 cup Ketchup

• 2/3 cup Light Beer (I used Corona Premier)

• 1/4 cup Honey

• 3 Garlic Cloves, minced

• 2 tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar

• 2 tbsp Dijon Mustard

• 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce

• 1/2 tsp Onion Powder

• 1/2 tsp Smoked Paprika

• Fresh Cracked Pepper

In a medium saucepan, combine the chopped peaches, ketchup, beer, honey, garlic, ACV, mustard, Worcestershire, onion powder, paprika, and pepper. Cook for about 20 minutes, stirring often, until peaches have softened. After the peaches soften, cover the pot and let the sauce cook for another 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Once the sauce has cooked and thickened, transfer the sauce to a food processor or blender and puree until smooth. Store in the fridge until ready to use (stays in the fridge for ~1 week).

Napa Slaw

• 3 cups Shredded Napa Cabbage

• 1/2 Red Onion, thinly sliced

• 1 Jalapeño Pepper, thinly sliced with seeds removed

• 2 tbsp Toasted Sesame Oil

• 2 tbsp Fresh Lime Juice

• Kosher salt + pepper to taste

In a large bowl, toss the cabbage, onion, jalapeño, sesame oil, lime juice, salt, and black pepper so the sesame oil + lime mixture has coated everything. Serve with pork chops.